Well, what a month of man-made and natural disasters. Volcanoes, earthquakes, oil rig explosions and Gordon Browns election campaign to name but a few. The strange thing is, though, it’s not really anyone’s fault. Unless you believe senior Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, who told worshippers in Tehran last Friday that promiscuous women who walk around with their hair uncovered are responsible for earthquakes. I wonder who he thinks is responsible for Gordon Brown. I, like Hojatoleslam, blame sex. If Mr. Brown Senior hadn’t met and married the future Mrs. Brown then little Gordon wouldn’t be here and the world could have been a much better place. Not that the sanctity of marriage is necessarily a safe place to be. An Israeli couple getting married in India discovered the hard way that one may not always kiss the bride. The couple were fined $22 for the indecency they showed in their wedding embrace which, when considering that their public show of affection was probably also responsible for volcanoes erupting, was getting off quite lightly. It does seem a rather bizarre rule though, especially when one considers that even the Hindu Gods Lord Krishna and Radha were co-habiting lovers. However, I guess since they weren’t married, they never kissed in public.

On the subject of deity, I am now duly honored to have been given the chance to pay twice daily homage to the Turtle God, a shrine to whom has recently been erected at the new Hadaba roundabout. Whilst it has always been the case for artists to sign their work, to cast ones mobile phone number in bronze for all eternity seems somehow a touch too transient – especially given the exigencies of mobile phone operators. Imagine future art critics spouting forth about the aesthetics of the Chelonia Mydas form beautifully crafted in bronze by the artist A.K.A 0106543821.

As regular readers of this column may be aware, I am something of a petrol-head and have certainly had my fair share of mechanical failures at rest and at speed. However, nothing I’ve been through has come close to the experience of Sebastian Buemi who was doing about 200 mph at the time in his Torro Rosso Formula 1 racing car. It just has to be the quote of the week: "From in the car it was not a problem. I just lost both wheels." Balls of steel, that man. Just don’t kiss him pubicly.