Arboreal Antidissestablishmentarianism

© Chad Clark 15-9-01

Back in the good old days, circa 200 AD, a bunch of Christians found the best way to escape the wrath of the Roman Empire and its lions was to head for the hills, apparently favouring the mountains of Sinai in particular. Unfortunately these fleeing exiles, numbering in excess of 2000, soon discovered that their new life of antidissestablishmentarianism was fast becoming a slow rehearsal for death. Hiding from the gladiators in the mountains was easy, but eating was swiftly becoming a problem due to the lack of edible vegetation to be found growing on rocks. In an attempt to avoid starvation they set about gathering what soil they could find and depositing it in various hollows and basins up and around the mountainside. Having made lots of little gardens where they could grow food whilst remaining undiscovered, they sat back and happily continued their hermitic existence living in caves, eating berries and worshipping their God. Though this in itself appears to be a fairly unenviable lifestyle, it’s pretty civilised when one considers their options.

Imagine their surprise when Constantine’s mum, later known as St. Helena, showed up around 313 AD and declared their particular piece of rock to be Mount Moses: the exact place where a few years earlier God had also revealed himself to the Prophet Ilia, complete with burning bush or remnants thereof. In fact, she was so enamoured with the vibrations eminating from this spot that she built a chapel right on top of a suitably scorched blackberry bush. Having drawn all this attention to the place, she was then duty bound to add a good strong wall and a couple of watch towers to assist the ex-hermits and clergymen in dissauding unwelcome visitations from the marauding Saudi Arabian nomads, who even then were intent on raping and pillaging whatever they came across. Thus are the origins of St.Catherines Monastary.

The reputation of the Mount of Moses and his burning bush spread far and wide, drawing pilgrims from all over the Christian world, and eventually a band of Greek Orthodox monks decided to muscle in and set up shop on this revered spot. As with all ex-pats, they brought with them a few things to remind them of home, amongst which were some seeds from their native grown Cypress trees. These seeds, and indeed the monks, felt quite at home in the cooler climate high up on the 1500 m mountain. The soil, previously deposited by the hermits to grow their crops, coupled with the cool arid atmosphere provided an ideal environment for them to flourish. The trees, of which over 100 remain to this day, liked it too. The largest example is about 500 years old and 12 metres tall. Being only a couple of metres wide at the bottom and tapering needle like to nothing at the top they have been likened, by those with restricted vision and a vivid imagination, to the shape of angels hands in the position of prayer.

They would, however, appear to be trees with a message. Worldwide, there are about 20 species constituting the genus Cupressus. One species aptly named Mourning Cypress not surprisingly represents death. The Italian Cypress is, to some cultures, a symbol of immortality. Despite extensive research there appears to no reasoning combining immortality and the Italians, save for the fact that since their trunks are weak, knotty and have what the Encyclopaedia Britannica politely refers to as " an odour sometimes considered offensive", nobody actually wants them for anything hence ensuring their longevity.

Personally, especially during this approaching yuletide season, they represent all that is Christmas. Although there are deviants of the species, most have the characteristic shape of evergreen conifers and seem to be clamouring for lots of tinsel and a fairy on top. Being bi-sexual, tiny male and female cones are bourne on the same tree, usually at the ends of the branches, although they are not your standard pine cones. They’re about 1 cm across and spherical with half a dozen scales. These scales bear up to 100 winged seeds each, which may lay dormant for several years until the balls burst open and release their load to go forth and multiply, carrying their various symbolic messages of prayer, death and immortality with them up into the mountains on the breeze – just like 2000 Christians did 2000 years ago.

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