1968 1974: Attended Abingdon School,
obtaining qualifications in reading, righting, sex, drugs and rock and roll. Also learnt
how to dive in cold green soup whilst wearing twin tanks and a zipperless dry suit, escape
from a submarine, leap out of a helicopter and fend of the advances of gay CPOs, all
courtesy of Her Majesties Royal Navy.
1974 75: Petrol pump attendant, spice packer, jet washer assembler, night porter
(in a ladies college - ummmmmm), eventually reaching the dizzy heights of chief lavatory
cleaner in the local Ironworks.
1975 76: Continuing education at the University of Life, attaining 1st Class
Honours in motorcycle maintenance and alcohol abuse.
1976 80: Oxfordshire Fire Service full time fire-fighter, specialising in
diving into burning buildings wearing a 12 litre tank, Wellington boots and a funny yellow
1980 82: Returned to UOL for postgraduate degree in touring Europe and Africa on a
motorcycle. Studies abruptly terminated in the final year by a broken con-rod outside
Puerto de Sagunto in the southeast of Spain. Changed syllabus and married a hot tempered
Franco/Spanish dusky maiden.
1982 1990: Returned to the UK and rode the wave of Mrs. Thatchers
"loadsamoney" boom by starting a flourishing welding business followed by a body
builders gymnasium and nightclub.
1991: Crashed hard - but Mrs.Thatcher was nowhere to be found.
1992 - 95: Struggled on through the recession and messy divorce from aforementioned
hot-tempered dusky maiden, wondering what life was all about. Re-discovered diving, but
this time in crystal clear warm waters with lots of pretty little fishes, corals and girls
in bikinis thank you PADI.
1996 97: Found that life is all about having fun in the sun whilst being paid to go
diving in the Red Sea.
1997 99: Earned a generous tax free salary by building and running dive centres and
hotels in and around Sharm El Sheikh - importing British Rock bands for entertaining the
clients in the above. Started writing cynical articles for Cairo based magazines.
2000 - 04: Back to the sea, running the Royal Diving fleet of safari boats in Sharm,
married to a gorgeous blonde German diving instructor, rearing a 6 year old son, 4 year
old twins, playing harmonica in the local bars, writing articles, scripts and doing
voice-overs for Egyptian videos and films.
2005 - 10: Eking out a meagre living
selling clean fresh air, sucking and blowing on a little organ on the rocks whilst
pumping 500 tanks a day. Forced to live on the edge of the cliff and drink Gin and Tonics
on the terrace whilst watching the sun set over the Sinai mountains of Ras Mohamed National
2010 - ? : Repatriated to sunny Oxford,
escaping the Egyptian revolution by a whisker. Stumbled across a bunch of old fogeys
playing rock and blues in local pubs and became Router no. 6.
It's a hard life but............